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"Step Right Up: Magrathea Edition (Near Soulianis Is The Future Of Non-Rubbishness)" by Mr. Glide

from the album Opus Cipher: The Prototype

Nick Parton: everything

"The concept came about from wondering what it would be like to be a fly on the wall at a consortium of businessmen that were potential investors in the manufacturing of a new version of Earth–a prototype for a series of new Earths, if you will. As the notion became more and more ridiculous and overblown in my fetid cerebellum soup of a brain, it seemed only fair to introduce an element of the absurd to stitch it all together. And so, Douglas Adams' fictional planet-that-engineers-new-planets, Magrathea, came into the fray. Also, the idea of it being the ultimate scam appealed to my sense of financial justice.

"I worked off the oxymoronic term 'skiffle metal' both as a way of kick-starting the writing and something partially tangible to aim for, but it just turned out... odd. I knew there would be rapping instead of singing, as my melody gland is currently exhausted. It didn't turn out too bad." —Nick Parton

Thanks to Sarah, for putting up with my general bullshit and not screaming the house down when I was still rapping like a twat at 2am.

Have a listen: Listen

This is an audio invitation on behalf of Glide Corp.
Thank you.

What would you do if we as a species had rendered our planet inhospitable to our own?
And what would you do if every other planet in our solar system was also inhospitable?
And what would you do if every other solar system, every other galaxy was also inhospitable?
And what would you do if you were the only one who had a plan to make things less...rubbish?
Could you keep your head?

Ok, Ladies Gentlemen!
Hello! Attention please!
File in face first!

Thank you for coming!
Let me thank you for coming!
Each and every one of you
I thank you for coming!
How are you? Better than good? Better than a'ight?
Your wife has had a son - what an occasion!
By shuttle, or plane
Flight path or lane
Helicopter, limousine
Private lobster filigree
You're the cream of the clot
Cleave through the wheat crop
At the top of your game
In your respective field range
Ringing the changes in a business suit
Here's your chance to make the world dance just for you
But I'm getting ahead of myself
Getting ahead of us all
Getting ahead of a revolution I promised you all
A solution shrink-wrapped to bring back the free market
Before regulation went and shrunk the easy targets
May I present to you here
My present to the future:
The planet Magrathea

Thank you for clapping!
Let me thank you for clapping!
For those that understand
I thank you for clapping!
For those that don't, let me blue-sky your think-box
Level armageddon at those you don't think of
This planet is scorched earth, and it's sadly no lie
A dearth of ozone and a flood water bowtie
But don't despair, we can save ours
Get the got, make a disco in the graveyard
Douglas Adams left us the legend, and we met him
But who would ever think for a second
That Magrathea existed?
A planet that engineers planets as listed
Insisted on and made for the wealthy limp-wristed
Dead for eons when it fell out of favour
With galactic banking and disposable labour
But now!
We have it!
It's ours!
We grabbed it!
It's under our control, and as part of the package
We get to remake the Earth in our own image
So wave your chequebooks and you can be in it!
Roll up!

Thank you for buying!
Let me thank you for buying!
Weep-eyed and crying
I thank you for buying!
Once you have your shares
We can get to work
The profit is off the scale
On the graphs of Neo-Earth
Just imagine what we can charge for migration
From doomed panic to new-dawn planet exploitation
And there's really no limit to the people we can fleece
As we keep the rabble on a long leash
Who told you to sit down?!
Are your eyes runny?
I got four words for you:
So what do you want made?
Black matter is like clay
Put personal preference in play and wish away
We know that man is nature's natural master
Maybe you could be looking out on endless pastures

Ah, smell that air!

Or - you could demand the gods to kneel by court order
A continent of unicorns for your baby daughter
States by colour
Blue skies if you please
Lovers embrace in the cold light of your sleaze
Bring back the sasquatch for your little rugrats
Cover the mountains with mirrors and magic hats
Stop applauding and grab the possibilities!
Revel in the future of your finest pedigree
So thanks all!
Can't wait to see you soon
(Amazing what the gullible greedy can be made to do)
And for every time some bunch of morons get fooled
Someone else has planned a bigger scam to pull

But for me
20 trillion dollars will do
I'll see you later
You and your fictional planet...